• Menage with a white horse

    There’s a Red Shoe Diaries episode where these two people are gyrating on a white horse in the middle of a meadow. Definitely was not my first but for some reason is really vivid in my memory and it was before I started intellectualizing my mastubatory habits. Like, it was during that age when I just fingered myself whenever I felt like it and didn’t question it, you know? I guess I was around 10 ish? 

  • Overtime

    The best me time that I’ve ever had in recent memory was when I was working late and happened to be the last one in the office. Got it on in my cubicle.  Loud hardcore with my speakers blaring, not giving a fuck. Finished like a pro. Funny too, because the cleaning lady arrived just minutes after I had finished. I told her she had great timing. I have no idea whether she noticed my sticky starch in my waste basket.

  • The GREAT outdoors

    The greatest was when I was out in the wild, hiking on a mountain and let loose in the middle of an open clearing. Was totally alone except for some deer that caught a glimpse.

  • Is Jilling myself to death an option?

    I don’t know what I would fap to, but I would aspire to fap so hard in order to give myself a heart attack and essentially die from that as opposed to whatever the alternative was in this hypothetical scenario.

  • The first time....

    I fapped was in the womb.

  • Slaughtered Pussy

    My sister told me this story. She was eighteen- brand new license, brand new car, and brand new found sexuality I guess. She's driving down route one at about 60 mph. Apparently she got 'the urge' and slid her hands down the front of her pants. She's going to town, while still driving, and having some trouble. Cars kept passing her and she would get scared and be unable to climax. She figures she should slid her pants down to her knees (whilst still driving) and suddenly she's feeling "it" much more. She starts humping the air while rubbing and is so into it, she doesn't notice the stray cat already dead in the road. :( as her car hits the lump in the road, she panics, spins around to look, and takes the steering wheel with her. She attempts to hit the brakes, but her pants are around her knees and get in the way! She flies off into the woods, barreling into brush and the unknown. She smacks into the side of a tree, and hit her head on the dashboard, and knocks herself out. She wakes up to EMTs rushing over to help, only to find a young,sweaty girl with her pants down for no other obvious reason. She realizes what she has done, and cries, not out of shame, but for the cat.

  • Easiest Cheapest DIY Fleshlight

    2 sponges, 1 latex glove, 1 tall plastic cup. done. Just saved you like, 50 bucks.

  • Um... no?

    I honestly doubt that I could even get it up if I knew I was about to die. Kind of kills the mood. It’s like masturbating at a family members funeral. The two just don’t go together. ...least not for me. You guys are weird.

  • I don't know how taboo it is but...

    I once fapped to a youtube video of a rhinoplasty operation.

  • Sweet Teddy

    It may not qualify as a fap but I remember grinding against my teddy bear at a very young age and experiencing something akin to an orgasm from that. It was a white polar bear :)